how to sit still.. aka the art of meditation

And now for a story about another one of my exes.

We'll call this one Chuck.  

Chuck was my very first real boyfriend - we started dating when I was 17, a junior in high school. He was the first person I told that I loved and the lucky holder of my V-card.  Of course the plan was for us to be together forever, and when high school graduation rolled around we were strategically admitted into the same university.  Our dorms were even across the sidewalk from each other.  It was PERFECT, until we decided to break up so we could "find ourselves".  The idea seemed much better in my head, and when I tried to get him back, he rejected my idea. I was heartbroken.

Being a lonely and insecure college freshmen with her first taste of heartbreak, I turned to alcohol to solve my problems.  This resulted in me throwing up a number of times in my dorm and angering my roommates, but didn't really ease my sadness. 

In my state of angst, I decided to experiment with meditation. I laid in my extra long bunk bed and listened to guided meditations on my ipod, desperately searching for peace in the midst of my tormented mind and aching heart.  I felt alone in the world, not ready to grow up and not able to go back.  And on top of that, REJECTED BY CHUCK!?

I breathed, I focused, and, amazingly, I found a glimpse of peace.  During those moments I was able to clear my mind and breathe in a stillness that soothed me beyond words. While I did turn to meditation in times of desperation over the years, my real meditation practice started only a few months ago, when I started my yoga teacher training program.   

Building a Meditation Practice

I started out small with my meditations, 5 minutes in the morning, 5 minutes at night.  I set a timer, sat up straight, didn't move, and waited.  At first those 5 minutes felt like eternity.  The thoughts flowed constantly -  I wonder what I should cook for dinner... Maybe I need to go to the grocery store... I think my stop watch is probably broken, 5 minutes has to be over by now....  I wonder what my boss really meant in that email.... She probably knows I took a 2 hour lunch... It was worth it, though... What if they decide to fire me... If I got fired, I'd probably run away to some exotic land.... My back hurts... My nose itches... Maybe I should scratch it...  The stopwatch has to be broken and I've probably been sitting here for 15 minutes already...

I kept it up, though, and each day it became easier and easier to clear my mind.  I focused on my breathing and stayed committed.  Each week I increased my time 5 minutes, and over time I began to enjoy it I'm up to 25 minutes every morning, and I love it. 

When I miss a day, I feel off-balance and disorganized.  If I don't take a few minutes in the morning to set the course of my actions, I start off haphazardly. I react more to whatever is thrown at me without thought or perspective.

Meditation has become my personal refuge, when I'm upset, confused, or just need to reset my mind. It has taught me that I am in control of my mind and my emotions - it is not in control of me.  I know I have a long way to go, but I take comfort in knowing that I have this tool to help me through each day.

Some Tips and Tricks to Meditate

1. Carve out time and make it part of your routine.  I meditate every morning immediately after waking up.  It is part of my morning routine before work, like showering and brushing my teeth.  Once that space is created for meditation, the morning feels off if I don't include it. 

2. Don't judge yourself.  Some days meditating is a huge struggle for me.  Some days my mind disconnects from the normal chatter. I feel like I'm floating, I feel pure bliss and pure peace.  What I've found is that whether it's a bad day or a good one, when I finish I feel more focused and present.  I've taken the time to work through the emotions or issues I was holding onto. If you have a bad meditation, it's okay.  Just try again tomorrow.  

3. Set an intention and focus on breath. The best way to keep my mind from wandering is to focus on my breathing.  There are many ways to meditate, and different ways work best for different people, but I always try to keep it simple.  When I start, I set an intention for my day.  Then I use that intention as a mantra.  I breathe in one word, and breath out another.  This morning I breathed in PRESENCE and breathed out DOUBT.  PRESENCE. DOUBT. PRESENCE. DOUBT.  My mind starts to wander and then I'm back.. PRESENCE. DOUBT.

4. Relax and Enjoy.  Don't worry about how long you've been sitting there.  The point of meditation is to be exactly where you are.  It's an intense spotlight on being in the moment.  What you are going to do after the 20 minutes doesn't matter, because right now the only thing that matters is the breath you are taking at that moment.  Instead of trying to fight it, just relax. 

5.  Take deep breaths throughout the day.  We can't always take large chunks of time to meditate. But that doesn't mean that you can't hook into the little internal refuge you've created.  Throughout the day while I'm at work, I will stop, take a few deep breaths, and recenter myself.  The more that I do that the easier it is for me to reach my peaceful haven, no matter where I am or what I'm doing.  For people just starting to meditate, try the Mindfulness Daily App .  This app sends you little reminders throughout the day to check in on how you're feeling and walks you through a few deep breaths.

shhh.. just let it happen.